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If the complainer tells you that her boyfriend beats her up every day she does not want you to criticise himor to tell her what to do, deep down she knows all of this, she wants you to tut in the right places, make her feel better in the here and now. She may insist that he has promised not to do it again, or he pays the bills and she needs his money, but whatever the reason is it is up to her.

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